Monday, November 21, 2005

..

Alas! In the midst of studying for my underground exam ... here am I .. trying to pen down my memories ..

This was what I sent to my friends ~ Thanks Pals~! U know who U are~!

"Well, I figured perhaps reading my blog would be the best way to let u both know about what am I doing ..

I dun like to sms .. But I like to type using keyboard though .. "

This day~ past and over .. It no longer exists anymore .. It just went by me while I was cleaning the house to make sure it is clean .. before it gets worse when I come back from chalet ..

Household chores .. It's like a habit to me now .. It doesnt get on my nerves as when I was young .. Now it's more like a relaxing task to me .. To make sure that my family members get the comfort when they come back home from work and dwell in their clean and lovely room .. Especially for my elder brother who, in fact, doesnt care much about living in a pig's barn or even .. .sharing home with spiders and cowebs .. Eekk .. Guys will be guys ... Or is it just him .. Hahah~ Now he can sleep in comfortably ~ after work .. Kakak~

Was a little shaken by today's events .. It's not much of mine though ..
I cannot comment much about it too .. Simply because it's individual expectations about things and how they felt towards incidents that happened to them ..

People might say "Aha! You wouldn't be able to understand because you've never been in this situation before." I can only smile and shake it away as though a feather had just flown by. People learnt through setbacks and mistakes .. Not by making smart moves and gain glory through sheer luck .. It's always better that you learn now when you have the chance .. I'm not trying to emphasize that I'm a mentally strong person. I do have my setbacks and failures in life. I feel demoralized and pissed off whenever things happened and are out of my expectations and I many a times, deemed myself as a failure and a loser in life. But I'm always felt a sense of pride when I was able to overcome that feeling and move on. Moving on does not mean leaving sad memories behind. I bring them with me everywhere I go. As a reminder, not to repeat the same mistakes again. As a sign, to bring confidence in myself that I know I can do it if I do try. It's hard to move on. But once you get started, you do move on. Do not stay till the point of no return till regret comes knocking at my door. Regretting things could have gone this way if I could have done this or that. Time has past ... while regreting XD

I still remembered that my church leaders used to tell me. The birds in the sky do not even have to worry about their food for themselves or for their young. God will provide for them. What more for humans?

Something to share~

This was extracted from my diary years back:


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Now what happened?
I'm like acting a scene that never ends till the day I die ..
Am I really myself?
Or just trying to be someone ....
a character ..
that is deemed right and acceptable ?

Which mask am I wearing now?
I cannot figure that out too ...

With years ..
Problems weigh more heavier than normal teenagers ..
I hate to grow up ..

When was there a Day which I did not spent worrying about Money?
When was a time where I can dream about dreams that are happy ?
Where are the places that I went that can revive unforgetable memories?
Who are the friends who are truly with me?
What do I seek for in Life?
How should I list my life priorities?

Questions Questions ..
Doubts and Fears ..

My deepest fear is to lose control of my Life ...
Lose the meaning of Life ...
Sincerely Seek God's Guidance ..

I'm like a lost sheep ...


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I'm grateful that I was able to focus in life and gain control of it. No more lamenting about woes and sorrows. Instead, I find it easier to count my blessings now. It's joyous.

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