Late @ Night~

Well, .. I was trying not to be grouchy today. Simply can't. It's Exasperating when I am confirmed to the house trying not to walk around .. Hahah.. It looked Ok. No Swells. However, twist and turn, haha, there comes the irritating pain. I wonder whether I should probably take a club and give my foot a whack .. (O.O)

*sighs* Neatless to say, the holiday plan is definitely screwing up for me. No sports, no jumping around. Whatever. I have no hell of an idea what the sinseh was talking about. In the midst of giving me agony and pain, he could ramble on and on .. I'm not even tuning in.. *sweat* Hope that's the last I see of him. Otherwise, I'll definitely going to ask him to shut his gap. (>O<)

*Trying not to be Grouchy now*

-- Nice Things --

1) Stay at home the whole day, working on the website that host my pupils. Finally, it's completed. A sense of achievment? Perhaps. Not much though. Easy upload and such.
2) Spend my time in game and chatting with ppl. Cool. At least I get my lvl 69 Bard. No deaths and easy exp.
3) Watched Resident Evil. The zombies dun seem as scary as before. Though I did get some frights and shivers off the scenes of zombies appearing suddenly. How wonderful.

-- Holiday --

Things I would want to accomplish for my 3 week holidays. Of course, my never ending JP self learning book. It's really a thick book, not my fault that I can't finish reading. (>O<) Finish sewing my puppets, time to give as present to my loved ones. Go to church once in a while. Spend more time at home with family.. my doggie too. She needs love too. Update my personal website and add the photos in.

-- Thoughts -- (*Not for the Faint Hearted*)

Right at this point, I feel kind of sad. Study life is coming to an end. For a mere 2 year course, I enjoyed myself with my friends and all. Though assignments and attachments sucked big time, it was good. Way TOO good for me. Tough at first, because I was working before joining the 2 year course. Had to adapt to the study environment, that was 2 years back. Now, it's coming to an end. Just felt like I am going to join the rat race again. It's saddening. What would the future holds for me? Am I going to be a stand alone island or join the stinky rats? It's my nature to try my best in everything. Hence, the chances of joining the rat race would be high. Not what I had in mind. However, it's like a black hole that was swept you off your feet unnoticably and viola~ you're in the black hole! I hate it when people have high expectations of you. They wish to see you excel and work your ass off for them. On hind side, they might wish you to fall in pit hole, never to climb up anymore. Two different endings but they would win on the either. Sometimes I wish I am not working and enjoying somewhere leisurely. But, it's only 'I Wish' ..

Alot of people once asked me, why chose the teaching career. I would say, it's the money. Of course, it is. Besides that, I was tired of the sales line. It's tiring to face each and everyone with a guarded shield and beware of everyone and anyone. What was the most innocent job in the world? Besides, guarding the animals in the zoo, I guess, the next would be a teacher's job. At least, I'm facing innocent human beings MOST of the time rather than animals in the zoo. Now, I came to realise, politics occurs in all places except heaven and hell. Trust me, it's true.

The other day, I overheard a conversation of a causasian couple. Sweet-loving couple, no doubt about it. They were sharing with their friends, life back home in Canada. Wow.. Couldn't resist eavesdropping though. My bad. Anyway, they were chatting about their farm and environment. I remembered clearly, 2 horses, few sheeps and cows. Enough to make cheese and food to feed themselves. Now, stop for a while. Count my blessings. I have a PC, TV, Fridge full of food, etc .. What can I yearn for? I seriously need to count my blessings. 'They' felt so contented and proud of what they had. Looked happy and blessed and many more. Envy was what I felt. My favourite sentiments 'How I wish I could be like them' .. Once again, it's 'I Wish'..

My overall life plan in the past. Way back in the past. Get a teaching degree, a decent well paid job, marry, kids, death. Reflecting what I have now. Nothing. Great. Simply wonderful. Arrggh.. Though it's near. I can see the goal getting nearer. So what's the problem? In the process of attaining my goals, i think i might have unwittingly disregarded people whom I valued and treasure. God. Family. Love of my Life. Is it time to cast away my pursues and concentrate on these people instead? These are the worldly treasures, I know. I know the Bible by heart. It's bad when you know you are doing something wrong and still moving towards darkness. That's me now. The sense of guilt is always extremely great. Having a Christian boyfriend. Well, what can I say? I have no solution and I am unwilling to let go. I always hope and hope-ed, Show me the light, the way. I can't see. Something's blinding me. lol ..

Well, in my heart, I was seldom happy. Problems worn me down badly. The only time when I feel relax is when I am in bed hugging my plushies. At least, they won't talk or do anything. They are there 24/7 as and when I need them.

That's all I have today. Brillant. Now everyone would think that I have having Pre-Menstrual Stress or something. I did warn you beforehand though.